Printable Codependency Test and Worksheet

Get Answers and Support to Overcome Codependency from Icarus

Do people describe you as having a “relationship addiction?” Some who have lived it describe it as dancing to the strums of a tone only you can hear. The music in your mind guides your steps to the tune of another’s desires while ignoring your needs and desires.

This dance leaves your own needs and desires forgotten. You might be dancing to the music, but you sacrifice the joy of the experience. Does that sound familiar?

Our codependency test can help you recognize if you are in a codependent relationship.

Icarus Behavioral Health is best known as a leading resource for ending substance abuse. Additionally, we offer full-service mental health professional support for all mental illness, dysfunctional families, and codependent behavior. We customize care to suit each individual’s mental illness or psychological needs, leaving no stone unturned when it comes to helping people live their best lives.

We invite you to keep reading to discover more about codependency, how we treat it, and invite you to review (and download) our codependency test and worksheet.

Understanding Codependency (Relationship Addiction)

Codependency can be a pretty complex behavioral condition. The term codependency refers to when an individual relies on their partner (or another person) to meet their emotional needs, often at the expense of meeting their own needs. People who struggle with codependency often find themselves entrenched in one-sided, unhealthy romances and relationships.

Codependent behavior is not a distinct mental illness in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Still, most mental health professionals recognize it as a significant mental health condition that can cause low self-esteem and other negative consequences.

Gaining a deeper understanding of the psyche of a codependent person can help understand how to break the harmful cycle of addictive behaviors and start finding effective support for mental health as a whole.

Codependent People May Have an Additional Mental Illness

While being codependent can occur alone, codependency often co-occurs with additional mental health issues, or substance abuse, leading to dual diagnoses for many codependents. Codependent relationships are very complex and can lead to reduced mental health and challenges on a daily basis.

Here are some of the most common co-occurring disorders we have treated along with codependency:

• Anxiety disorder
• Panic disorder (take our informal nervous breakdown test here)
• Substance abuse disorders (drug addiction or alcohol abuse)
• Unresolved trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Healing from being addicted to relationships is more than just identifying and rerouting codependent patterns. Instead, it demands a closer examination by a mental health professional who can provide the appropriate support and effective treatment for the root causes of codependency.

7 Key Causes of Codependency Issues

What are the things that ignite codependent tendencies? Let’s look at how early childhood trauma and other experiences can mold an individual’s mental well-being:

1) Dysfunctional Families During Childhood

Some who have codependency problems grew up with a family history of parents who exhibited similar behaviors. They may have had their needs and desires neglected by selfish, needy adults. Perhaps they had parents or caregivers who couldn’t care for them properly. From childhood, they learned to suppress their own feelings to support other family members.

‘Jessica’ grew up in a home where her parents constantly fought and rarely showed their children any affection. Her mother struggled with depression, and her father was often absent due to his very important, high-paying job. Jessica learned early on to fend for herself and became the caregiver for her younger sisters.

She cooked, cleaned, and made sure her little sisters got to school every day. She also had to be diligent about managing her own schoolwork. The emotional support she needed was never available. Instead, she buried her feelings and focused on keeping the household running smoothly.

As an adult, Jessica carried these learned behaviors over into her relationships. She would go out of her way to please her partners. In fact, she often sacrificed her own needs and desires. Her sense of self-worth became tied to how well she could cater to others. This led to a series of unbalanced relationships where she felt responsible for her partner’s happiness, leaving her own emotional needs unmet in the process.

2) Substance Use or Abuse in the Family

Those with close family members with unhealthy drug or alcohol use are often codependent adults. Spending time during childhood looking after younger siblings or making major decisions in the absence of responsible parents meant their own childhood desires had to take a back seat to other people’s needs.

‘Mark’s’ father struggled with marijuana and alcohol abuse, and his mother worked two jobs to feed her family. Mark became the head of the household at a young age, as his dad was often wrapped in his own life and addiction. Mark cooked meals, helped his younger siblings with homework, and often had to clean up after his father’s drinking aftermath. Mark’s childhood was spent trying to bring some normalcy to his chaotic environment. He felt it was his duty to keep the family together and protect his siblings from the harsh realities of their father’s addiction.

As Mark grew older, these patterns of behavior followed him into adulthood. He would spend time with people with similar issues, believing he could “fix” them. His well-being was deeply intertwined with his ability to care for others. Even worse, he often neglected his own needs and aspirations. Mark’s life became a cycle of self-sacrifice, where he continually put himself last in a last-ditch effort to create stability for those he loved.

3) Emotional or Physical Abuse as a Child

Some codependent individuals grew up with abusive parents. They learned to make themselves small and stay quiet and out of the way to avoid conflict. They also usually had little emotional support and never learned the concept of practicing self-care.

Lisa’s childhood was destroyed by her father’s verbal abuse. Her own father and beloved family members would belittle her, calling her worthless. It broke her self-esteem. To avoid his wrath, Lisa became extremely vigilant. She started avoiding conflict at an early age, trying to predict and meet his constant (and very unreasonable!) demands.

She learned to suppress her emotions and needs. She knew she must focus solely on pleasing her father to avoid conflict. This behavior even extended to Lisa’s school life. In the classroom, she would go out of her way to please teachers and friends, fearing rejection and criticism.

In her adult relationships, Lisa continued to put others’ needs over her own goals. She entered into relationships with partners who were emotionally unavailable or abusive. She always told herself that if she could just be perfect enough, she would earn their love and approval. Lisa’s life was a constant struggle for validation from others, leaving her emotionally drained. She was eventually disconnected from her own identity and needs.

4) Childhood Neglect or Abandonment

Those who suffered neglect or abandonment in their early lives have an excessive need for reassurance that their loved ones won’t leave them. They cling to relationships and need another person to affirm their self-worth and assure them that they will stay.

‘Tom’ was abandoned by his mother at a young age and raised by a distant relative who provided for his basic needs but with little emotional support. Tom grew up feeling unworthy of love. He would constantly feel anxious about being abandoned again. He became fiercely loyal to anyone who showed him even the slightest bit of affection. He went to great lengths to keep a person happy. Tom’s relationships came from an overwhelming fear of rejection, which led him to put others’ needs before his own.

As an adult, Tom’s fear of abandonment continued to mold his interactions. He would stay in unhealthy relationships with needy people. He even tolerated mistreatment because he believed even a toxic relationship would be better than being alone. His sense of self-worth was entirely dependent on his romantic relationships.

If he thought a partner might lose interest, he’d go to great lengths to avoid the pain of being left behind again. He risked not only his happiness but also his financial future, spending money on the person he loved to keep them tied to him. This fear-driven behavior perpetuated a cycle of dependency. Tom from developing healthy, loving relationships.

5) Low Self-Esteem and Codependent Behavior

People with codependency often have very low self-esteem. As a result, codependence drives them to become excessively reliant on seeking approval from others, especially in romantic relationships. They’ll often feel compelled to seek external validation instead of achieving a place of emotional well-being.

‘Cooke’ always felt like they weren’t good enough. Their parents constantly compared them to their siblings, who were more academically inclined. This comparison eroded Cooke’s self-esteem. It hurt and made them believe they had to earn their worth through the approval of others. They became a people-pleaser, going to the ends of the Earth to make friends and family happy, even at their own expense. Cooke avoided confrontation and criticism, fearing it would confirm their deepest insecurities.

Cooke’s low self-esteem drove them to seek validation through their relationships. They began to experience trauma bonding through relationships with partners who took advantage of their kindness, knowing Cooke would always look after their needs. Cooke found it difficult to assert themselves; setting boundaries continued to be a challenge. Their life became a series of poor relationships where their own needs were consistently ignored, with Cooke feeling guilty and struggling with low self-worth.

6) Growing up Without Learning About Healthy Boundaries

People in a codependent relationship often don’t know how to set boundaries. Their fear of repercussions is greater than their need to set healthy boundaries. That means they often set aside their feelings and needs, instead spending time involving themselves in the lives of their loved ones or partners.

‘Alex’ grew up in a household where personal boundaries were practically non-existent. His parents would intrude on his privacy and make decisions without considering his emotions. This lack of respect for his boundaries left Alex feeling powerless and uncertain about asserting himself. He learned to go along with others to avoid conflict. In addition, he also failed to learn an essential life skill, setting boundaries and healthy relationships.

Alex struggled to maintain boundaries in his personal and professional life. He often found himself overwhelmed by others’ demands, unable to say no even when it meant overextending himself. His relationships were characterized by a lack of balance, where he would give endlessly without receiving much in return. Alex’s inability to establish and maintain healthy boundaries led to chronic stress and burnout, impacting his overall well-being.

7) Trauma Can Cause Codependence and Requires Professional Help

Surviving a traumatic experience, especially repeated or complex post-traumatic stress disorder, often means someone has put aside their own well-being to survive. The intense situation makes some feel responsible for their loved ones to protect them. In doing so, they avoid taking time to cope with their own trauma. It may also trigger resentment in their loved ones.

‘Sophia’ experienced a terrible traumatic event in her teens one hot summer evening when she was 15. That was when she lost her best friend in a car accident after a drunk driver crossed the center line and hit the carful of teenage girls head on. This trauma left her feeling a deep sense of responsibility for the well-being of others. She became overly protective of her loved ones, often putting their needs above hers to make sure they were safe and happy. Sophia’s trauma-induced behaviors made her feel like she had to control every aspect of her relationships to protect her heart from further loss.

In her adult relationships, Sophia’s need for control presented as codependent behaviors. She would micromanage her girlfriend’s life, believing she must keep her special person safe, even if that meant giving up on her own dreams. This behavior led to strained relationships, as her past partners felt suffocated by her constant fussiness. Sophia’s unresolved trauma and excessive need to protect others created a cycle of anxiety and over-responsibility, preventing her from forming strong romantic relationships.

Telltale Signs You Are Ready to Seek Professional Help for Codependence

Now that we’ve discussed the causes of codependence, let’s look at the characteristics that reveal when it’s time to seek guidance from a mental health professional:

• You feel ready to start practicing self-care.
• You hope to learn about setting boundaries with family members or romantic partners.
• You’ve recognized that you need not feel responsible for the feelings and emotions of your partner.
• You no longer want to feel guilty for putting yourself first.

Once you see these glimmers of hope shining through the codependency, you are ready to seek professional support. It’s time to learn how to live your best life.

How a Mental Health Professional Can Help Cope You Cope With Codependency

Most who come to Icarus to get treatment for codependency without a co-occurring disorder opt for an outpatient program. However, some clients who have additional concerns may request inpatient care. There’s really no right or wrong answer – we will custom-tailor a program that suits your needs.

Here are some treatment approaches you can expect when you choose Icarus Behavioral Health to assist with healing your codependencies:

Initial Assessment of Your Daily Life and Codependent Relationship

The first thing we will do is meet you and assess your history, relationship status, and any struggles. This step helps us determine the severity of your codependency.

Goal Setting and Self-Care Planning

You will work with a well-qualified therapist to set treatment goals. For instance, you might want to reconnect with a specific family member or work on expressing your feelings to another person.

You’ll also learn the value of self-care and devise a plan that works for you. You should not feel guilty for looking after your needs.

Identifying Codependent Behaviors

Your therapist will help you pinpoint your codependent thought patterns. Only after you name these behaviors and feelings can you dismantle them. You will learn how you cannot truly make another person happy in a relationship until you develop feelings of love and respect for yourself.

Addressing Other Mental Health Concerns

If you have co-occurring disorders, your counselor will work with you both individually and in support groups to address your inner turmoil holistically.

Get Our Codependency Test and Worksheet (Free to Download)

Download Our Codependency Test

Our online codependency test can help you reflect on your behaviors and identify any possible signs of codependency characteristics. By checking off each statement that applies to you, you’ll gain insight into how your relationship and self-perception might have codependent tendencies.

The codependency test is a helpful starting point for recognizing those patterns that may harm your well-being and growth. Other informal diagnostic tools we offer:

• Our Complex PTSD testing resource
• A trauma response quizlet
• Our childhood trauma test

Please note that this PDF is not an official diagnostic tool. Rather, it helps steer you toward seeking qualified help if you agree with many of the statements. Codependency can have significant impacts on you and your relationship partner, and professional support can help you become a healed person.

For those who can’t download the test, the 15 statements on the test are the following:

• I feel responsible for solving someone else’s problems.
• I say “yes,” even when I’m already overwhelmed.
• I have incredibly high standards.
• I feel guilty when I prioritize my own needs.
• I crave approval/validation from others.
• I neglect myself to care for others.
• I have low self-esteem or doubt my worth.
• I’m awful at setting boundaries.
• I try to fix it when others are unhappy or dissatisfied.
• I’d rather stay in a toxic relationship than be alone
• I take on more than I should to please others.
• I’m always to make things go smoother for my loved ones.
• I rarely ask for support or help.
• I’m afraid to express my true feelings or needs
• I base my self-worth on what I do for others.

Simply count up any of the statements that apply to you to determine your score.

Scoring Your Codependency Test

Here’s what your codependency test score most likely indicates:

• 0-5 Checks: You have a low likelihood of a codependent relationship. It’s good you are aware of your current tendencies and should continue to trust your gut instinct, especially when you enter into a relationship with a new person.
• 6 – 10 Checks: You have a moderate likelihood of a relationship with codependency. If you struggle in your interactions with a relationship partner or family member, professional counseling can be an enormous help.
• 11-15 Checks: You have a high likelihood of entering into a codependent relationship with a partner or family member. You should find professional help and work on practicing self-care and setting boundaries with the counselor.

Connect with Icarus for Support After Our Codependency Test

If you need help with improving your mental health issues or concerns, Icarus Behavioral Health can help. We have worked with many like you, those who have needed a helping hand in becoming a whole and healed person.

Give us a call today; it’s confidential when you connect with us, and our admissions team can answer any questions about our treatment center or address lingering concerns you have about getting professional support codependency.