What to Say to Someone Who Relapsed

Approaching the Topic of Relapse to Support a Friend or Loved One

Recovery from drug and alcohol abuse is a tough journey, and it looks different for everybody. Before I checked myself into Icarus Behavioral Health, I was at my wit’s end. I had been an alcoholic for nearly two decades and wasn’t sure how I would ever stop drinking.

Your mental health suffers greatly as a result of drug or alcohol use. If you are someone who already has mental health issues, it can be a very tricky situation. The recovery process is unique. What works for one person may not work for another. It’s a learning and self-discovery process, and what to say to someone who relapsed can vary greatly by person, but there are helpful basics to know.

Keep reading to learn what I found most comforting when I have relapsed in the past, as well as what I now say to my friends seeking recovery who have slipped along the way.

When Someone You Love Relapses

It’s difficult to know what to say to someone who relapsed. Again, it might take a different approach depending on the person. The one thing that is important to get across is that it’s okay.

Relapse is just as much a part of the recovery process as sobriety is. It happens, and it’s nothing to be ashamed about. There are more people in recovery who relapse than those who don’t.

Drug and alcohol use weakens us and often makes us feel hopeless. Effective addiction treatment can go a long way, but it’s when we are alone and face certain triggers or challenges that we are truly tested. I didn’t get clean the first time I tried, or the second time.

Relapses happen, and it doesn’t mean you failed. There are a lot of things you can say to someone who relapsed. Continue reading to learn what approach you can take.

How Drug And Alcohol Use Warps The Mind

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned through addiction treatment is that addiction changes us. It changes how we react and it changes how we communicate.

Anyone who has suffered from substance abuse will tell you that they may have said or thought things that they never would had they not been addicted to drugs or alcohol.

This is a very important thing to remember when you are trying to get clean. It’s more about just stopping drinking or using drugs. You are trying to retrain your mind to function normally without mind-altering substances. It’s a process, and it’s up and down.

My alcohol addiction was a rollercoaster, just as much as my attempts to get sober. A lot of peaks and valleys.

There’s No Handbook To The Recovery Process

Having a relapse prevention plan in place is one of the only ways to map out your recovery. There is no definitive right or wrong when it comes to recovery. Substance use disorder affects us all differently. We all react differently to triggers. A relapse prevention plan can give you a baseline.

It’s a way to have something tangible in place in order to hold yourself accountable.

As part of my relapse prevention plan, my first rule was one day at a time. We say it all the time in addiction recovery. Focus on the day you are in. Remember to stay in the present. The only thing that matters is staying clean for the day. That’s it. Worry about tomorrow when it comes.

This approach works very well for many recovering addicts. Once you start projecting too far ahead, you are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.

Don’t Be Your Own Worst Enemy

A lot of the reasons that people fall back into addiction following a relapse is they are too hard on themselves. I know this all too well. During each of my relapses, I was crushed. I felt like I wasn’t worth it. I didn’t deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life.

This is your addiction talking. Learning to not beat yourself up is difficult, but it can be accomplished.

Your addiction treatment journey isn’t going to be perfect. Once you get sober, not every day is going to be easy. There will be plenty of hard days, and the difference in staying clean is how you react to those bad days. The intrusive thoughts will come, but if you learn how to let them go, you will be at an advantage.

What If Addiction Treatment Doesn’t Work For Me?

I believe that addiction recovery can work for anyone. I don’t believe that some people can’t benefit from it. When I got to Icarus Behavioral Health, I had been through multiple relapses beforehand. I accepted that relapse was a possibility, but I knew that it didn’t mean failure. Relapse is part of the process.

The simple thing to tell an addict who relapses is not to give up hope. Don’t ever give up. I’ve met people who tried dozens of times to get clean, and they ultimately achieved sobriety. You can learn from setbacks. If you relapse, take it as a learning experience. A building block. It doesn’t have to result in a downward spiral.

Focus On Your Mental Health

Substance abuse is just as much a mental health issue as anything else. No matter how many treatment programs you try, having a good head on your shoulders is going to be the foundation. You aren’t going to get very far in recovery if you have a negative outlook. Learning to be positive is possible even for the most pessimistic person.

A big part of my recovery is continuing to seek mental health treatment. I go to individual therapy as well as support groups. One thing I have learned about myself is that when I am alone and I start to think negatively or beat myself up, it sounds all well and good.

When I open up and talk down on myself in front of a group of people, it comes out differently. I realize how silly it sounds. When I hear others talk down on themselves, I am quick to acknowledge it and not let that person speak negatively of themselves.

When we speak negatively of ourselves, we internalize it, and it rears its ugly head later. This is how people relapse.

How Anger and Even Irritation Affect Your Recovery

I spent a lot of my time as an alcoholic dealing with a lot of anger. I grew up in a broken home and didn’t have the best luck throughout my life. Anger was my go-to emotion. Anger is a drug just like any other, and it can be abused. Anger can be comforting. It can be used as an excuse.

The most profound thing I’ve learned in recovery is that my anger doesn’t serve me, even if I have every right to be angry. Sometimes our anger is justified, but it doesn’t mean that it serves us. Even if you have a good reason to feel angry, you are better off letting it go. Irritation and anger fester and it clouds our judgment. Don’t let anger overtake you.

Supportive Friends Make All The Difference

Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people makes a world of difference. You are the company that you keep. If you surround yourself with negative, angry people then it will probably rub off on you. When I am around positive people, it can be infectious.

It’s the same way if I am around negative people. I have had to end personal relationships because of this.

If a personal relationship isn’t benefiting you, it’s probably wise to cut it off. You can still have love for those people, but it’s important to realize that being around that kind of energy is dangerous. Look for warning signs when you begin new relationships, whether they be platonic or romantic.

Long Term Sobriety Is Never Off The Table

The biggest lesson I can give to anyone reading this is that sobriety is always available to you, no matter how many times you relapse. Substance use disorder doesn’t always get resolved the first time around. If you have a friend or family member who has relapsed, take a soft approach. Suggest treatment, but don’t force anything. Don’t react with anger or disappointment. React with love.

If you happen to encounter someone who has relapsed, you can give them a great gift just by listening. Sometimes people just need to be heard. You don’t always have to come up with a solution or perfect answer every time. Give them the ability to talk and express themselves.

Get Help Following a Relapse at Icarus in New Mexico

Alcohol and drug use doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter where you are at in life. Addiction can happen to anyone. My time at Icarus Behavioral Health changed me for the better. The people there helped me get on the right track, and I do everything I can every day to stay the course. Don’t let a relapse define your recovery journey.

If you (or someone you know who has relapsed) need caring support and a proven path to recovery, give the people at Icarus a call. I know that single call changed my life, and it can for anyone else willing to reach out and accept the help and guidance in getting past relapse and into successful sobriety.