Can Gaslighting Cause Trauma?
Identifying The Symptoms of Gaslighting and Where to Seek Help
Although references seem to be everywhere these days, ‘gaslighting’ is a relatively new word, less than a hundred years old. The ‘origin story’ for the term gaslighting comes from a 1938 play (and 1944 film adaptation) called Gaslight.
A husband distorts his wife’s reality to control her. He makes the gaslights in their home flicker, moves things around, and causes her to lose all sense of what’s real. Eventually, she’s institutionalized.
When you’re dealing with a gaslighter, you may feel powerless and confused. They make you question your memory. The more that you trust them, the more you lose confidence in yourself.
But can gaslighting cause trauma?
The short answer is yes, in some ways gaslighting can cause trauma. And getting help when you’re dealing with this insidious form of abuse starts with recognizing the warning signs.
Our guide from Icarus Recovery Center will help you identify the signs of gaslighting and guide you on where to get help, so that you can regain your sense of reality and the healing process can begin.
What is Gaslighting All About? Going Beyond Pop Culture Usage
Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that distorts a person’s reality. You start to question your memory, your emotions, and yourself. This makes it easier for the manipulator to gain control.
They make you question your experiences and dismiss your emotions, giving them more power. Your own reality gets distorted, and you begin depending on them to know what is “real”. This is when you start to trust what they tell you more than you trust yourself.
Gaslighting is a Form of Psychological Manipulation
When someone gaslights you, you are being manipulated. Unlike an argument or disagreement, it is sneaky and less upfront. They might deny, distort, or deflect, all with the intention of destabilizing you.
Gaslighters want you to second-guess yourself so that you’re easier to manipulate. Eventually, you find yourself apologizing for your own emotions. You may even apologize for things you didn’t really do.
Once you can no longer rely on your instincts and your own perceptions to guide you, it feels impossible to get out. It’s a psychological trap that keeps you imprisoned in an unhealthy relationship long after you’ve realized there’s something wrong.
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Identifying Gaslighting in Intimate Relationships
Gaslighting is most effective in romantic relationships where trust and emotional vulnerability already exist. You may notice that your romantic partner denies things that they’ve said or claims you “misheard” them.
They might minimize your feelings or tell you that you’re “sensitive” or “overreacting” to harmful behavior. Since love and trust are involved, you might question whether they are right. You may excuse their behavior or start blaming yourself.
Gaslighting becomes a cycle that makes leaving the relationship extremely difficult. Your abuser may tell you nobody else would love you or want you, so if you leave, you’ll be alone. They break up your friendships and family relationships, making you more dependent on them.
Manipulators are happiest when they have total control.
Often, gaslighters have their own mental health concerns. For example, they may be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. In some instances, their gaslighting tendencies may mask problems with self confidence and self-esteem. If they aren’t willing to get help for these issues, though, they will never change.
Workplace Gaslighting
Gaslighting is most common in intimate relationships, but it can also take place in professional settings. Your coworker or manager might manipulate you so that you don’t trust your competence to do your job. Gaslighting examples include denying conversations, unfairly shifting blame, or undermining accomplishments.
Over time, gaslighting in workplace relationships destroys your self-esteem. You’ll feel anxious, isolated, and afraid to speak up. The burnout, heightened stress, or trauma that results continues affecting the employee’s mental health even after leaving the toxic environment.
Common Tactics Gaslighters Use
Gaslighters resort to several different tactics, each of them designed to exert control and shift reality. Here are a few:
- Denial – saying that they never said something or that you misheard them
- Minimizing feelings – telling you that you’re too emotional or overreacting
- Blame shifting – making you feel guilty for questioning them or setting boundaries
- Rewriting the past – stating that you don’t remember something correctly
- Withdrawal of affection – being overly affectionate, then withdrawing it as punishment when you disagree with them or don’t do what they want
- Isolation – distancing you from family or friends, making it easier to lie or shift reality
Inconsistent signals like these keep the victim off balance. Isolating you from others strengthens their control. There are no outside parties that can refute the stories they are telling you and it becomes much harder for victims to seek outside support.
Gaslighting Behavior vs. Conflict
Disagreements are normal, but gaslighting is not. Healthy conflict allows both parties to have different perspectives and even to discuss them. It’s not a battle, and there’s a goal of understanding one another and reaching a resolution.
Gaslighting is an abusive behavior that arises from differing perspectives. The manipulator does anything they can to confuse you, so that they have control. You may notice that you leave the conversation unsure of what happened or feeling that your emotions are a burden. This is a good sign that what you’ve experienced is gaslighting, not conflict.
How Gaslighting Causes Trauma
Surviving a relationship with a gaslighter leaves deep emotional wounds. You lose your sense of self from the constant doubt and confusion. Even once you’ve realized what is happening, you feel trapped. The manipulator has so much control over you that you still question whether you were just overreacting.
This trauma spills over to your other relationships, too. You might struggle to trust anyone, not just the person who abused you. It’s also easy to question your judgment in new relationships, and flashbacks can happen when you recognize conflict or similar manipulative behavior.
What are the Symptoms of Gaslighting Trauma?
When you live through gaslighting, you experience confusion, guilt, and self-doubt. You might struggle with decision-making, withdraw from others, or constantly need reassurance.
All these symptoms, unfortunately, play into your manipulator’s hand. They are usually the person you turn to for reassurance, and isolating yourself only strengthens their control over you.
It’s easy to feel anxious, depressed, or ashamed as you realize what’s going on or start to lose your sense of power. Gaslighting symptoms can also affect you physically. The severe stress causes headaches, digestive issues, and problems sleeping.
Gaslighting vs. Other Types of Abusive Relationships
It can be easier to recognize physical, verbal, and emotional abuse than gaslighting behaviors. Think of gaslighting as a secret mission. It’s covert and sneaky, so you don’t realize what’s happening. It relies on subtlety, so that you find yourself questioning if what you’re going through is really abuse.
Sadly, gaslighting behaviors sometimes happen alongside other types of abuse. It may be used alongside verbal insults, sexual aggression, physical aggression, other controlling behaviors, and even accompany physical abuse.
This creates a layered trauma that requires specialized treatment to overcome. If you find yourself in immediate danger, call the police or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or hotline.org.
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Where to Get Help if You’re Experiencing Gaslighting
Healing from the psychological abuse that is gaslight starts with recognizing the pattern you’ve fallen into. Don’t do it alone.
A trusted friend, family member, or even therapist can validate what’s happening to you. They can remind you that what is happening goes beyond normal conflict, and that it’s far from love.
At Icarus Recovery Center, we can provide support to overcome trauma and co-occurring mental health issues or addiction. You’ll find a safe space here where you can start to overcome the psychological and emotional impacts of gaslighting.
Therapy, Counseling, and Support Groups
You will probably have a lot of questions after living through this unique kind of psychological abuse. Therapy provides a safe space to process what you’ve lived through. You can document what happened and learn to trust yourself again.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is recognized for treating gaslighting symptoms, especially alongside trauma-informed approaches. Your therapist will help you recognize distorted thinking patterns that seem normal after living through gaslighting. From there, you gain more control over your thoughts and start regaining your sense of self.
Support groups are another great resource for gaslighting survivors. Connecting with people who have lived through similar situations makes you feel less alone. It’s also a reminder that the manipulator was the problem and that the abuse was not your fault.
Treating Mental Health Disorders
If you’ve lived through gaslighting, there’s also a chance of mental health issues. It may trigger or worsen conditions like anxiety, depression, and PTSD. The only way for you to fully heal is to address these issues so you can move forward. This might look like therapy, lifestyle changes, and, if needed, medication.
At Icarus, we offer a team of mental health professionals. This allows tailored support for your needs, addressing the immediate symptoms and long-term effects of gaslighting trauma.
Dual Diagnosis: When Gaslighting Leads to Addiction
Addiction following gaslighting is more common than you might think. It’s easy to turn to substances as the answer for numbing emotional pain, especially when you’re isolated from family and friends.
Fortunately, dual diagnosis treatment can help when addiction develops alongside trauma. An integrated approach is the most effective way to clear your head, making it easier to achieve lasting recovery.
The Role of Self-Care in Rebuilding Confidence and Trust in Yourself
Self-care can be used for self-regulation, but it also helps you prioritize yourself again. Nurturing your body, mind, and spirit helps reclaim your self-worth. You learn that you deserve care and respect.
Self-care doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Small things like exercising, following a skincare routine, journaling, or practicing mindfulness help rebuild confidence and self-esteem. Over time, you start to trust in your ability to make healthy choices for yourself again.
Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
Experiencing gaslighting damages your relationships with the people around you, not just the manipulator. By learning to set and enforce boundaries, you start to have healthy relationships again. Boundaries protect emotional well-being. They ensure relationships remain respectful and balanced.
Start with limiting (or eliminating) contact with the toxic people in your life. Make a habit of clearly communicating your needs and walk away if your boundaries aren’t being respected. It will take practice, but setting boundaries gives you a much-needed sense of control for your future relationships.
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Find Support to Heal from Gaslighting Trauma at Icarus
The effects of gaslighting last long after the abuse has ended, shaping the way you see yourself and your relationships. But you don’t have to live like this forever. With proper treatment, therapy, and support, you’ll start to trust your own voice again and break free from the cycle of manipulation. Icarus Recovery in New Mexico is a great place to start. We specialize in helping people overcome trauma using evidence-based care and a personalized approach.
Call us confidentially to find options and get support for healing from trauma today.
